PoetryPleaseWorkshop

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PPW - Anonymous by Foschia by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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PPW - Anonymous by Foschia

Critique of Anonymous by Foschia Critique by PunknEra I love how this poem starts! The first stanza is intriguing and the idea of the room being filled with a person makes their character seem larger than life and therefore someone we want to know more about. I'm not sure about using the cliche "feet hit the floor" because it really is overused, but in context it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. In the second stanza, the fact that past, present, and future are supposed to not be piled in any particular order is thrown off by the enjambment used to pile them in that particular order. I think it would be more effective to have them a

A Workshop of One 04-16-08 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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A Workshop of One 04-16-08

A One Poem Workshop Rebirth by flatlineonsteroids Critique by ShadowedAcolyte This poem contains a few novel images regarding a well-worn concept (the self-destructiveness inherent in humanity), but could seriously benefit by paring away the cliche and exposing more of the original. The poem has no sense of voice or narrator, and so it is hard to "get into" it. Small changes: The three starting prepositions don't match--it's like a game of "one of these things is not like the other": "behind," "under," and "in." Evil doesn't sleep in the light, it sleeps behind (but you've used that, so perhaps beneath or some other preposition). The rh

Critique Session 11-03-07 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Critique Session 11-03-07

[cypher-neo] Okies... the first poem in our list to be critiqued today is called "Lime" and is found at https://barisaxgirlj.deviantart.com/art/Lime-47988294 [cypher-neo] I liked the prosey style of writing this poem has, but it seemed almost too prosey - it made me wonder if the line breaks were only there so it could be called a poem. [ordie] yeah, cypher-neo, I thought that too [ordie] especially in the first stanzas [ordie] it has some funny lines, but it is a bit too prosey. I'd advise the author to be a bit more concise, and to trim what is superfluous [ordie] for example [ordie] the first line [ordie] "it was my sixteenth, I bel

April 3 2007 Workshop by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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April 3 2007 Workshop

A Moment of Clarity by ~ChironsGate Critique by Adeimantus One of the most difficult things about writing poetry is finding a fresh way to say things, with language that's inventive and with phrasing that's uncommon, new, and surprising to the reader. Avoiding, in other words, that bogaboo "cliché." This piece is so far from avoiding it, one would almost think you've embraced it. Cliché is not your friend, trust me. There's a big difference between the subject matter in a poem, and the writing. It's not true that an interesting or important subject will suffice to carry a poem through any kind of writing. In fact, as a writer, it's not so m

Workshop 3-1-2007 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop 3-1-2007

17 by ~SilentWalker81 Critique by darkcrescendo When we were children, We ran, blindly, through fields of gray, breathing disarray like life itself. On principle, I commend this stanza for the sound use of assonance. However, the imagery and strength of impact is somewhat lacking. "Fields of gray" by itself is weak - but if you were to extend upon the image, it could become otherwise. Blood snaked down our arms like barbed wire... but we continued, unaware;, "Like barbed wire" is a decent simile. "Blood snaked down our arms" has been overdone as an image - in prose as well as poetry. Children, breeding destruction, losing love, en

Workshop XIV by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop XIV

The Gift by ~teh-11 Critique by exquisiteoath Positive: that image in the 3rd stanza demonstrates a really strong ability to visualise the subject. The attention to detail is very strong, as is the vocubulary. Also, the contrast of this strong image against the vagueness of the gift itself. Emotional tone is very strong, and very honest. Negative: Some words feel wrong Untangible, while technically correct is awkward, the play on words creating more confusion than works well. Impeach is very specific in it's definition and I'm not sure if it's right for the situation. It feels a little trite and cliched. Critique by Tuksha I've found thi

Workshop XII by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop XII

On the Bridge by TaliesinLives Critique by exquisiteoath Overall: I really enjoyed this poem and found it be really well crafted. There are a few things that I would love to see tightened up to really bring out this poems potential. Stanza 1: This stanza is effectively 3 couplets. As such you might want to look at the punctuation of each of these couplets. IE each could be , on L1 . on L2 or , on l1 nothing on l2 or nothing on l1 . on l2. As it is these seems somewhat haphazard. The free form rhythm of this stanza feel very conversational, which works nicely as it a relaxed and comfortable, almost dreamy, moment. The Decision to us

Workshop XI by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop XI

Seuss by ~Deathwriter08 Critique by cheshireflare With a nearly immaculate rhyme scheme, almost-perfect anapestic tetrameter, and quite an excellent parody of Dr. Seuss's style, this poem is quite strong as it is. There are, however, a few issues that I stumbled over while reading it. A few of your lines, by my scansion, deviate from the base meter in a rather distracting way. I'll point out the lines in which I see a deviation and offer a suggestion to bring it back into the base meter. Line 19 is the first instance of this. By my scansion, this is iambic pentameter (with a double-iamb making up the second and third feet): ˘ /

Workshop X - October 31, 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop X - October 31, 2006

Shadowy Hours by ~BariSaxGirlJ Critique by crazynloveless First of all, I must congratulate you on your aesthetically pleasing layout. Not only does it compliment the meaning, as it makes me think of the creases in the sheets and pillow cases, but it allows for your enjambment uses. This, however, is where my first qualm sits. Whilst I love your use of layout, I feel that you have compromised the quality of the enjambment to do so. This could be fixed by a change of enjambment, for example: "If dreams, In easy breezes Swept in or out, these sheets would" By changing the enjambment as I have (or similarly), you can allow for a less 'h

Workshop IX - Oct. 9, 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop IX - Oct. 9, 2006

Photograph by ~Samhus Critique by =merecontagion Many typos, confusing sentences, extra words. A good example of this is the fourth line—"What so is this feeling" neither quite makes sense nor has the proper line ending punctuation. In regards to line ending punctuation, you should also strongly consider it. The effect without it is strongly an unprofessional one. Another case where grammatical accuracy would be in your best interest is line three: "Tries, to touch your face but passes through." Not only will you lose your reader each time you write out lines with pauses this awkward and little actually being said because of confusion, but

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A Guide to Positive Critiques by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

A Guide to Positive Critiques

A Positive Critique: • Does not solely concentrate on a poem's weak points, but tempers constructive criticism with acknowledgment of the good features. • Is not made up of comments like "well done" or emoticons, as they do not explain why the poem is well written. Comments and emoticons belong in the introduction and summary only. • A knowledge of technical poetic terms is desirable, but not necessary, to be able to provide constructive criticism. • Try to keep your thoughts focused on the poem and how it affects you as the reader. • Explain why you liked or disliked the poem; don't just state the emotion it triggered. •

Workshop 07 Aug 2005 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop 07 Aug 2005

*Love… by eskabar * * * * * It was you that saved me by 1-800-giveblood There's just so much inside Longing to get out. So you held me as I cried I'll never figure out How long it is I've waited As death knocked on my door How long I've been sedated Passed out on the floor I'm so over rated Can't take this anymore If I could just breathe you in Wrap myself around you Our new life could begin I'm so glad that I found you. You're so beautiful to me I'd do anything for you You trapped me in your web of -- The stars are falling down And it's taken me so long to see It was you that saved me. If I could just breathe

Workshop 28th August 2005 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop 28th August 2005

*Fade Away by meg-i-licious *I am a Brother by hookzy *Third Encore by grand-curio *Inner Monologue of a Poet by llammaluv1590 *Can't Help But Cry Out Loud by l0stwhispers *Tomorrow's A Dream by permafrosteyes Love…. by eskabar Love. It's in all of us, no matter what we think, How much we deny. If without Love, Would we just be a statue? Beautiful and untouched on the outside, But lonely and empty on the inside? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Critique by PinkyMcCoversong hello! i'm here from the =PoetryPlease workshop Love. It's in all of us, no matter what w

Workshop 04 Sept 2005 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

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Workshop 04 Sept 2005

I am a Brother by Hookzy I am one of the least of your brothers. I am neither your son or your lover . I am just another. I am just a face in the crowd. Neither silent or loud. I just need your love and support People are my court. They decide whether to live or die Or sit on the pavement and cry. Give me faith give me hope Because I cannot cope. I have no distinctive features I am no street preacher Sometimes I am a wretched creature. I have no money I am poor Siting with my begging bowl on the floor. Knocking on your door For shelter on your floor! I have no girlfriend I cannot score No one cares for me anymore. I sti

Workshop 11 Sep 2005 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Workshop 18 Sep 2005 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Workshop 19th June 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop 19th June 2006

Attackfish Critique: Sonnet 1 Technical: Wow, good sonnet form and use of traditional language! The sonnet form is correct, and the language has the appropriate meanings, so I have no complaints. On to the rest. Personal: I'm a fan of structured, rhyming poetry, and this was well structured and well rhymed, so I might be a bit biased in your favor. The one thing I didn't like, was the " 'hind" for "behind" which was a bit of an awkward word choice, and the internal rhyme "console" as a slant for "bow" especially with the semi-colon creates an unnaturally long pause. Also, for all the tradition of the arrow of love and the hunting cupid,

Workshop III - July 31st, 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop III - July 31st, 2006

Stones by HeroesForGhosts Critique By Attackfish Technical Review : The rhyme and rhythm are good, and the rhymes are unusual ones, unlooked for and intriguing, but the gap of three lines between ending rhymes rarely works because it breaks a subconscious flow ant tricks the brain into thinking it doesn't resolve. On the other hand, the rhythm and the consistency of the stanzas are superbly pleasing to the ear. Personal/imagery: Negative: my only real complaint is with the last stanza, because it sounds a bit like you're lecturing me. Also, the word "composed" in the first stanza followed by the "of" doesn't fit that well as perfect as i

Workshop IV- August 10th, 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop IV- August 10th, 2006

Eyes of Reality by Alyx1 Critique By Attackfish Technical: The whole poem seems more like prose broken by line breaks. Poetry is more than that. This feeling of sentences instead of stanzas can be fixed by the careful pruning of words. Most "A's" "An's" and "The's" as well as most "and's" and "but's". Also, taking the sentences out of tense can help. A pair of eyes glow in the darkness, Cutting through the air, Sharp as can be. Becomes A pair of eyes glow in darkness, Cutting through air, Sharp as can be. I look deeper, Searching for secrets, That these eyes can hide from me. Becomes I look deep, Search for secrets, The

Workshop V - August 15th, 2006 by PoetryPleaseWorkshop, literature

Literature

Workshop V - August 15th, 2006

Nightmares by Skittles-n-Sunshine Critique By Attackfish Technical: I like the one word lines, especially the repetition and the fact that they are all verbs. It gives a pattern and a beat. I also like the starting pattern of the lines and how it's the same throughout. It gives the poem structure. I dislike the fact that some of the stanzas have slant rhymes and some do not. With such a strong structural pattern as you have in other areas of the stanza formation, the "and" lines should either all slant rhyme or none. Also, some of the lines starting with and, just after the because lines are too long, taking away the rhythmic flow. Perso

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PoetryPleaseWorkshop

Oct 6, 2008

This branch has been officially closed

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If you have PoetryPleaseWorkshop (https://www.deviantart.com/poetrypleaseworkshop) on your watch list, please remove it. There will be no more updates on this page. This will not affect your membership with PoetryPlease (https://www.deviantart.com/poetryplease) The PoetryPlease Workshop is now located at PoetryPlease Headquarters. Click here for general information about the Workshop and to see a list of the new workshops as they become available. If you want to have a poem critiqued, please visit the above link for instructions on submitting to PoetryPlease (https://www.deviantart.com/poetryplease). Feel free to peruse old workshops here, but please note that messages will not be checked. Do not watch this page, comment on it, or note us here because you w

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DancingMouse

Feb 7, 2009

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